How do you know if your partner is sexually satisfied? Do you ask her?

“Did you go”? When men tell me they always make sure she ‘goes’ first, I say ‘great how many times, ten, twenty, forty…?”

You may think that making sure she has her orgasm first means she is having a good time and is satisfied. You can then go on to the finish knowing that you are a good and caring lover, right? However, it’s highly possible she has never been fully sexually satisfied. Here’s the thing, if you have to ask – the answer is probably “No!” She may have had a mini-o, however she did not have an O! If she had an O and was completely satisfied, believe me, you would know it!

When a woman has had a mini-o she is now prepped for the many oh Oh OH’s that should follow. You see, women are designed to have multiple orgasms, each increasing in size and force. The first mini-o is like a guy getting to that intense amazing plateau, right before you say “I’m gonna cum” (you all do it), and then you explode. Imagine thinking that the plateau is ‘it’ and just stopping. Hello?! Referred to as painful, blue balls for men, this is what she is experiencing, all the time! If she has never gone there, she may not even know there’s more to cum, (pun intended).

Your sex pattern of her going first so you can then satisfy yourself secure in the fact that you’ve done your job, can leave her unsatisfied and feeling ‘used’. It just might be the reason you are not getting laid more. Neither of you knows just how much you are both missing. When she is fully satisfied, a large part of your pleasure will be bringing and watching her experience multiple explosive climaxes - note the plural. Then you will both want more sex.

Now that you both know that there’s more O to come, how do you get there? Where do we learn about pleasure, verbal and sexual communication? The guys in the locker room don’t know any more than you do and the porn industry certainly has no interest in making sure that your partner is satisfied or teaching you to satisfy her.

Try this exercise. Once she’s had a mini-o, her clit may be over-sensitive, like the head of your penis after you ejaculate or sometimes when you’ve had too much stimulation before you ejaculate –and you know how annoying and frustrating that can be. Much of her body is highly orgasmic now that she is warmed up. Try your mouth on her nipples, while your fingers caress her labia or the other way around. This is a good time to play with different pressures, grabbing her firmly or touching her gently on the insides of her thighs or belly. Try circling the outside of her vaginal or anal opening with your fingers or the head of your penis without actually entering. Remember we are going for more and bigger O’s. Watch and listen for clues of her body’s language, see what she likes – at that moment - it’s always changing for women. Find her internal g-spot orgasm using your fingers or try a simple sex toy. I suggest no batteries or buttons at this time. Then once she gets to the bigger O’s oh oh oh, you’ll know it! Then you can penetrate her with your penis and climax together. It will be fantastic when you are the man, the stallion who rides her all the way home!

And remember... Be careful with each other so you can be dangerous together.